Hmm....where should I begin? Well last night I was on Twitter and I was just tweeting about random things and somehow one Tweet into the next it lead me into writing a mini auto-biography through 7 hours of Tweeting!!!!!!! I originally had no plans whatsoever on sharing such a private, emotional, and personal life story to the whole world....but somehow, someway......it ended up that way. Everyone who read it was moved to tears and today a lot of people kept asking me where they could find that story. So I have gathered all of my tweets from last night about it and pasted it all in one blog for u to read. This has not been edited so it may not read correctly in a story format. These are just all the tweets I tweeted so that's how it'll read. In little spurts of statements.....therefor.....leading you into a glimpse of my sad childhood growing up. With that said, everyone has been so captivated that I have actually started to write an entire book about it! I know people want to hear what happens next....so let's just say this is an "INTRO" to "TILA TEQUILA'S AUTO-BIOGRAPHY" It's very painful for me to open up and share this with the world, but I'm a strong Woman today so I think it's time the world hears my story. Here we go (remember these are in tweets I just copy & pasted from my profile):
Don't underestimate me cuz I'm "Petite"............POW! That's wut happend to me in school. PPL thought cuz I was little that I couldn't fight back.....they were WRONG! 4 real! Imma Ninja! Im serious! That's why they sent me away to Juvenile Boarding school...cuz Some DUDE tried 2 fight me & I beat him up. I got sent 6 months to juvie. But once I got sent to Juvie it was scary. Everyone was segregated & I had 2 find a new "gang" 2 chill wit 2 back me up in there & ...And so I rolled with the Mexicans. They took me in as one of their own & protected me from the other gangs in Juvie. It was crazzzyy! That's how I got the name "TILA TEQUILA" my Mexican family (gangsters) gamme dat name after I couldnt drink with them! LMAO! His name was Carlos Aguillero. He was the one who named me "TILA TEQUILA" i will never forget it. From my ex-gang bangin days! So u see? I went from gang-banger, juvenile criminal 2 changing my life around & now living the dream in HOLLYWOOD! If I can do it SO CAN U!
Now u guys kinda know why I try so hard 2 help others. Cuz I been there. I know what its like & I will never forget it. Im here now 2 help! Man I grew up in the craziest hood! Drive by's, friends in jail or dead...gang fights, EVERYTHING! But Thats why I took control & left!!! I knew that lifestyle wasn't right. Something was wrong. I thought to myself "THIS CANT BE WHAT LIFE IS LIKE!" So I moved to LA & here I am! I may have left the hood, bu the hood never left me! That's why Im always humble & crazy & dont give a fuck! I NEVER 4 get where im from! So I plan on goin back to my community & talkin 2 these kids at their schools 2 help them get inspired & dnt gve up no matta how hard it is! If someone came to me 10 years ago & told me my life would be what it is TODAY! I probably woulda slapped 'em...but wow. THANK U GOD!!!!!!
When I was 16 my friend was pregnant and she was 17 & she got shot and killed in a drive by. I was in the car next to her!!!!!!!! Another time when I was 15 we went out & a gang member put a gun to my head. I will never forget that. Ever. There's so much more I'd like to share with u about my life growing up but no room! But my point is. I went from THAT to THIS now! THANK GOD! Im SO THANKFUL that I got away from that lifestyle so TODAY I want to really help others who are living that way! I wanna give 'em hope! My 2nd book I am writing now will be ALL ABOUT MY LIFE growing up. It's so fucked up! Everything! I want 2 share my story & inspire others! My life growing up ain't no joke. It's bad memories so I NEVER have spoken about it now that I'm "HERE" but I will in the book....It's just hard to re-live those memories. Another friend of mine got murdered & they wrapped him in Duct Tape so it was fucked up & His father had to go to the morgue & since he was dead they peeled the duck tape off him and it all decayed. He was my friend......That little girl who grew up in that life doesn't sound like it was MY LIFE...but believe it...yes..that little girl was me...but I made it! I guess u can say there's A LOTTTTTTT about "Tila Tequila" that you don't know & it will suprise you. But I'm ready 2 share my story....I first lived in the Projects in Houston. Then we moved to HISD which is another hood for the hispanics, then finally moved 2 south side. Some-1 said they dont believe me. Well I dont care wut u think cuz its true. My family immigrated frm Vietnam of course we lived in projects! We only had 1 bedroom & 1 bed. My ENTIRE FAMILY had to all sleep in the same bed together cuz we were so poor! yall can look it up! In Houston...3rd Ward and 5th Ward. All hood! Then HISD! That's all the places I grew up! Im telling u...that was me!
Then was I was 17 I got pregnant and my boyfriend at the time hit me in the stomach with a hammer & I got a miscarriage......It makes me cry if I think about my life growing up but then I cry tears of JOY to see how far I have come from that life!!! Thank u GOD! It also makes me cry of joy that I went from THAT to being able to pay ALL of my parents bills TODAY! They are so proud of me! =) I used to hide in my closet when I was 11 years old and cry and cry & write on the walls & pray to God that life would get better...I would cry so much that I would just pass out and wake up still in the closet with bloody hands from punching my mirrors....I was just a baby..and I had to live an adult life. That explains why TODAY I still have such an innocent side 2 me cuz I missed out on it. Another friend of mine died because her boyfriend beat her up, killed her, and lit her house on fire...Im telling u. This was my life!!!! Another time was I was 15, I was so scared cuz my boyfriend at the time said "Baby if anything happens just stay here" He went to get his gun & his homies & they were going to go do something bad! I cried & begged him please dont go! Stay with me! Please! Then they all went to jail and I was heartbroken & once again....lost and alone with nothing but gang bangers. I was just a kid....The same boyfriend that hit me in the stomach when I was 17 & killed my baby was the same guy who got 2 watch the guy who killed his dad In prison! His father was shot & the criminal got charged 2 death sentence & they let my boyfriend come watch the criminal get killed in prison. When he came back to me that night....I felt so weird! But I knew it was something hard for him too...thats why I stayed with him. etc...cuz before his dad got shot...he was such a good boy! Went fishing, church, shool...etc..but when his father died so did he..I saved him. And yes...I was only 17 at this point!!!!!!!!!!! It was one of those situations where u feel like "Baby it's just me and you against the whole world! Dont leave me here!" So when I decided enough was enough & moved to cali & left him behind...I was TORN! It was the hardest moment of my life! But I knew I had to get away.....I had no choice. But again....I made it...and here I am Today! Tila Tequila......=) I dont know why I'm sharing such PERSONAL and EMOTIONAL things about my life with you guys..but I feel it can be a good thing now...Because I am not that little girl anymore. I have grown up to be a strong woman who overcame a TON of bullshit in life & here I am today! I promise you all..I will write my book. I never did it before cuz it's too hard to re-live those times in my life. But Im strong enough now.
After he hit me in the stomach with a hammer while I was pregnant at 17, I went to the bathroom and all this blood came out & chunks my baby! Once again...I went to my closet & cried for hours and hours & cried & told my baby how sorry Mommy was & one day I will bring u back! I promised my baby that one day Mommy will make a good life for you & when its time Mommy will bring u back & thats what Ive been doing...I was only 17 when that happened......10 years ago. Oh yea...so I tried to leave him for a whole YEAR! but everytime I did, he would put a gun in his mouth and cocked it in front of me So that I wouldn't leave him....it was all really fucked up.....I never spoke about it publicly until now. But Im strong now so I can....The reason Y we loved each other so much was one thing: We both had fucked up lives & a part of us knew we wanted normal lives & love. So it was super fucked up...but we still loved each other cuz his dad got shot & my life was all crazy & sometimes we were all we had...That's why it was so hard.....there were very sweet, deep & loving moments of our relationship & that bond of US AGAINST THE WORLD..But it became too much in the end....I wasn't even 18 yet & my life was out of control....I knew it was time to pack & never look back....I will never forget the moment when I finally had the courage to leave him tho.....Never til this day will I forget that moment.....
OMG then there's another painful story of my first girlfriend ever & how we fell in love & had to hide it from everyone! Ugh..so much...Let me just log off now so I can write this all down in a book. I really hope 2 inspire everyone now with my TRUE life story....Im sorry if some of u got sad reading my tweets...but believe me when I say those arent even the WORST parts thats happened in my life! I wont be able to share with you the really really bad stuff....but I'll write it all down in the book. It's too sad 2 write on Twitter. There's a LOT im remembering now that I feel like holding back...but I think if Im gonna write a book...I might as well tell everything...and u know what? I'm gonna sit here right now and write the whole damn thing myself! NO OTHER GHOSTWRITERS! My own words. My life....Lets put it this way. ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING bad u can think of that can happen to a person. Trust that I have been through it. All of it. I just dont want to say the words on here...but u guys know what I'm talking about. yes...it all happened to me when I was a kid. if I write it tho..that means I open the doors 2 my entire PAST all over again. Its gonna be very painful But i know God did this 4 a reason..I think after people read my life story...everything will make sense to them. How I got here & why I am the way I am. It'll all make sense..
Then one time I cheated on him. It was a pic of me kissing another guy. I thought my boyfriend would be so pissed off and say fuck you etc...But instead...he saw the picture & broke down crying. In that moment my heart also broke 2 see how I hurt this person...I started to cry & hold him & told him how sorry I was and that Im so sorry for hurting you baby! We just cried together.....Seeing him that way and knowing I was the one who hurt him....it broke my heart. I broke my own heart.......I used 2 tell him all the time "We are Thug Love baby!" it was exactly what it was......Us Against The World. Thug Luv. Deep Crazy emotional! The day I left...he cried. He Cried so hard & said you are my life! U can't leave us! & tried so hard not 2 cry but I knew I had to go....I wanted to hold him and say baby I love u so much pls dont cry! Im gonna stay with u forever! But in reality...I knew I had to go.....So I pretended to act like a bitch to him...like I didn't care...so he would hate me and not hurt so bad. I acted on purpose 2 not hurt him. But inside I was dying. I was dead. But I needed the strength to let that pain be & let him go cuz I needed to go to Hollywood. New life! Yes....I still think about him today......10-11 years later.....
When I hold you baby, feel your heartbeat close to me. Want to stay in your arms forever, Only Love Can Set You Free.....
For I can Stand A Thousand Trials, the Strong will never fall. But Watching stars without you....my Soul Cries.....
I used to always listen to "TENDER LOVE" everytime he & I got into a fight or broke up....it worked everytime cuz I would come back hm 2 him. I would listen 2 "Tender Love" while driving home late nights by myself & visions of his face would pop up in my head...I'd miss him so...People are asking me who's it by? "TENDER LOVE" by Force MD's. That was my song....=) After hearing that song & being with other guys...my heart felt empty. I drove right over to his house and said "Baby ur my world. I love u" & no matter how bad of a girlfriend I was at times....he was always there to take me back. Always. we had REALLY bad moments, but one of the best moments was when I'd come over, sit on his lap, wrap my arms round his neck & kiss him....In those moments....I never wanted time to pass. I wanted to stay there forever......Oh god! The song the REALLY broke my heart with him was when I actually left him. The song "GOODBYE" by Jagged Edge..hurt me 4 ever! I listened to that song over and over til I felt like DYING! "GOODBYE" Jagged Edge. Those lyrics was EXACTLY how I felt about him..So if u wanna know how I felt when I finally broke up with him & moved to Hollywood. Listen 2 lyrics of "GOODBYE" by Jagged Edge...It was one of the hardest moments of my life...but I had to stay strong.....What hurt me the most was having to pretend in his face that I didn't love him anymore & I didn't care...but he didn't know...I loved him. Til this day he probably still thinks that I left him cuz I didn't love him anymore...but that's not true at all. I loved him very much...It was the LONGEST and LONELIEST 24 hour drive that I took leaving Houston, TX & my memories behind 2 come 2 Hollywood......Do I still love him now? Yes.......I haven't seen or spoke to him for 11 years tho! Last time was the last day I left him....and now today....here I am.
Ok well here is the song I ALWAYS quote in my tweets when I think of him today and please watch the video because it is EXACTLY how our relationship was. Very Beautiful yet tragic and that's why I think of him always with this song: CLICK HERE: KISSING YOU BY DESREE
So if u were captivated by tonight's tweets...u will DEFINITELY be enamored once you read the full story of my life! U wont put down the book! cuz him and I...believe it or not....would probably just be maybe 2 chapters. The rest is sooooo more interesting stuff! Cuz the whole time I was dating him....there's another catch to the story. I had another 2nd life with another guy....my savior....it's alll just soooooo crazy! It would probably end up being a movie! Like one of those trilogies! of my life story...many characters. Cuz while I loved him and saved him......there was someone ELSE that loved and saved ME all at the same time........wow! So far I've only introduced you to my boyfriend....but the "other guy" my savior....wow...now THAT is a compelling love story too! Then one day they bumped into each other face to face....................But I can't tell u what happens after that because I have not introduced you to "my savior" yet & how our relationship was that lead 2 all else. Let's just say there was a 10 police car chase and ambulance & me standing in the rain crying......freezing cold cuz it was winter... and one of them....got handcuffed and locked in the backseat of the police car, the other is pissed, & im dying of heartbreaking torment. after that whole ordeal went down I was torn 2 shreds in heartache. While 1 was fine, I would have 2 sneak around 2 visit the other in jail. Both 2 very compelling & complex love stories happening at the same time. It was the worst thing 2 go through that. Lots 2 explain in detail. See? This shit is so crazy...that people think I make up stories. Im not. This is my real life. These ppl are still alive & its real.
No....u guys dont understand. it wasnt about "cheating' this situation..if u knew the whole story....is very heartbreaking...I had no choice. I loved them both so much...I was willing to take blame for EVERYTHING from EVERYONE...even tho non of them knew the truth...I took it. Just to protect my love....I took all the blame.......Well cuz 1 of them I grew up with as childhood friends & he became sick. I loved him. The other of course...my boyfriend. Its fucked up...Now u see what I mean? I didn't have a choice. I was the most heartbroken of all of them.....caught in the middle...sick friend & Lover...He would pop up in the middle of the night by my window...calling for my name...."Come Away With me baby, I'll take u away from here!" And me wanting to so badly! But saying "Shhhh! I can't! What are u doin here? Shhhh! Please go!" Then I'll just take long drives at night by myself & go 2 my favorite Lake & lay down & gaze at the stars..making wishes 2 run away frm here. Then one day I was sitting alone at my secret lake....and he pops up out of nowhere & comes to me. He laid down with me 2 look at the stars. We used to daydream about what life might be like outside of our hood....what the world is like out there beyond our town....
I swear he used to dedicate this song to me and I've actually tweeted quotes on here many times if u look back on my timeline:
CLICK HERE: CAN U GET AWAY BY TUPAC
I still remember our first kiss. My childhood friend had been in love with me his whole life. Then one day when I was 17..I kissed him...We were sitting on a parking lot slab in the apt complex..talking...then I just said to him "ur in love arent u?" then I kissed him for the first time! He never said much to me at all but he didn't have 2 because the look in his eyes....I could see everything...the way he felt & looked at me. And then I dedicated "By Your Side" to him...by Sade.......I used to sing it to him when he laid in my lap.....Then when he went to jail...I would go visit....and sing softly to him that same song....."By Your Side" Sade....He would never listen to anyone but me....and thats why all of his friends and family hated me...cuz he would only listen to me....But thats because they werent there for him the way I was. They didn't know him the way I knew him.....So although it hurt that they all hated me & wanted someone to blame...I took it. Cuz all I wanted was for him to get better. He was sick..
One last thing.... While I was in my own world trying to figure it out...the song "WILD HORSES" by The Sundays was my theme song...."Wild horses couldn't drag me away." ........... & it never did. <3 Then when I learned how to play guitar....I would play accoustic & Sing "FADE INTO YOU" by Mazzy Star....just for him. He loved it...Tomorrow night, same time....I'll tell u the story about the first girl I ever fell in love with & how we had 2 hide it from everyone! If u go to my parents house TODAY....u will still see the writings all over the closet walls where I used 2 hide & cry. It's still there! U can even still see some blood stain from when I punched my mirror and cut my hands & I wiped it all over my walls...still there...When I finally moved away and left everyone behind in Houston....I dedicated this song to him "EVERLASTING LOVE" by Sandra...
Step by Step, Heart to Heart, left right left...we all fall down.....like Toy Soldiers.....
My 2nd book about my life will be dedicated to my Son Jayden. He would have been 11 years old today if he was still alive....R.I.P. My little Angel. Mommy is fighting for you and working hard to give you a life that Mommy never had......To Be Continued...........
| Posted on 10/26/2009 3:53 PM | Visits: 35,098 Hot Spots: 6 |
aylinpuma_v_g@hotmail.com
love u
never feel sad be happy
Tila ther is no point lying!. OMG!.
Like you r so lying it sucks!.
I believe most of what u sed happened.
Buh erm..Lets think about it. Yhu sed yhu wer hit with a hammer..Right.
Ther r no scars and i still have a scar from a similar event on my leg. (a hammer hit me).
Then you said when it happened you crawled in your closet?..I thought you said you had a one bedroom room?..so no one was at home?.So if yhu went at home..Wat closet did you crawl into?.If yhu wernt at home?..why did you say you crawled in one?..and where did this fight take place..in your house?..becuz erm..U know the closet tale?..You also stated that you had pictures of you pregnant. If the pregnancy had started showing. And someone hit you with a hammer..on your stomach.it would cause a deformity..not a total abortion. Because as you said it was a mistake it wasnt directed at you*. Then you also said it was your son?.. i thought you wer poor how did you pay for a sex test?. Or wer u so poor they let you do it for free..haha!. then you said you knew because of mother intuiton. Er, then a mother of two tweeted about it and what could you say. She told you she lost a baby too and is now a other of two and has never gottn no intuiton. Tila women dont have intuiton about the sex of their baby. if not there wouldnt be gender test. Women have intuiton about when something is wrong. or stuff like that!. I reall did like you until you started lying. thats when i noticed that you are attention seeking. And now i unfollowed you and so did my 20 friends. As for all these people saying oh im sorry. Its so funny.. Yall r dumb. Im 16 a pre-med major and i can see the facts.
da song da alwayz gets to me thou is DEESTYLISTIC-I STILL LOVE YOU...if yu havnt heard it yet you should itz a really good song sad but good..
pues keep yo head up ma..
fuqkk da hataz!!!
:)
I implore you to write that book, I know that it hurts to bring back those painful memories, but as you share them, you share a pain. And in that pain, will come unity and solidarity. Any one who would believe that this is all 'make-believe', is smoking some very strange weed! Just write the book, and there will be readers. You need to stand up and fight, and this is one way of doing that. There are some very strong women that are now telling their story, and are now getting the justice that is long over-due. And what you do today will save many lives tomorrow.
You are a roll model (even though there are those who would argue that-if they don't like what they see and read, they need to just leave. Just don't say anything, but just leave), and that is the most important thing of all. You want your 'Tila Army? You are recruiting them in in spades! Keep up the fight; do what is right. You have succeeded because you didn't give up. You have a creative mind, and thought I may not agree with everything you may do. you have shown others that they don't have to put of with abuse. You are a smart, and knowledgeable human being. You are open to ideas, and you have proven that recently. You are making people open up. You have embraced the idea to others that they don't have to put up with abuse any more. I embrace that, and it is something you need to continue to do. Lives are being threatened each and every day, and if you can instill the idea that this does not have to be, then positive things will happen.
Continue telling your story, and others will do the same. Others are opening up because of you. Don't pay any attention to any of the 'nay-sayers', for they get delight and enjoyment in putting everyone else down. You put of a good fight. Even though it may be long and hard, you will gain ground. The world needs more people like you. Your army has no borders, and is held in complete global solidarity, and that is one of your biggest assets! Lead on!!
I love you
2.one-bedroom rooms are still allowed to have closets..i know the concept might enthrall you, since your pre-med major must have you well-sheltered and wealthy. Not to mention....she did say she lived in different homes...not all of them were one-bedroom...
3. Seeing that Tila is a petite girl, and at 17 must have been tinier than what she is now, it isn't a surprise she miscarried, let alone, even carried the baby on her own for however long she did.
4. Mothers can definitely have an instinct on what they are having...I am a mother of an 18-month old boy, and by my 3rd to 4th month I had a feeling of what I was having before I was able to know anything..not all mothers feel it, but it is very possible.
5.Now, if you really are a pre-med major, you must have done medical billing and coding already..and you must know about different types of insurance...such as MEDI-CAL....or better known as MEDI-CAID around the rest of the US..it allows you to get quality health care for people of low-incomes.
Now, by getting your 20 possibly "pre-med major" friends to unfollow her...what point do you truly make? how does that prove anything or state your point?
I understand where you're coming from, her story is completely vague and lacks structure, and it seems highly hyperbolic...but if you're going to call her out, you have to make sure your facts are indeed facts, and can be defended regardless of what's being thrown at it..and that they're not just your opinion...it makes you look...unfortunately, ignorant.
hope it helps.
:-)
I think its really amazing that you want to write a book about youre life, about youre past, even you know how hard its going to bee to bring back that awful memories, just to help others with it!! You allready helpt me in a way. You are a good person.
Im sure youre baby boy is in the good hands of god.
Youre amazing Tila. I wich you the best. I wish u all the luck in the world.
Please know that i care about you.
i love you Tila!
- Aafke
(please dont blame me if my 'Englisch' wasnt that good, im from the Netherlands you know.=)
It was funny though, keep up the good work you joke teller!
I read your story and its very sad.But u know if u think about it u cant turn the time back, but just remember the happiest moment in your life,also your friends and familys =) But now your life is better , so live your life and do what u think is right ;) I support u ;D You are a very strong person like superwoman ?! =)
Just SMILE like i do =)
Love always: Wendy Tom
aka Munder11
this heffa needs counseling....she tried making some bullshit up bout being pregnant by a famous rapper....doesn't she know by now, if anything and if any "famous" rapper know anything about her, is that she's an attention seeking desperate whore. she's the only fuckin groupie black balled by celebrities to have sex with.
#TILAARMY !!!!!!!!!!
Your life story is amazing ..!
Tila is a comulsive liar...anyone believe this nut need to get their head examine or at least take some of tila's multiple personality disorder medicine....
pls reply to me on twitter direct message plz.. @keke1791
ive been somewhat in those situations.
all my friends have fucked up situations too, and they always tell me about it.
its crazy ! Yea ! i agree.
and besides,
im happy, you turned your life around -
you definately deserve what you get!
http://twitter.com/alysdexia
art thou player or audience?
Be as it may, the end doth remain:
all go on only toward death.
The first words at thy left hand:
a false lunacy, a madly dancing man.
Hearing unhearable words, drawn
to a beloved's grave---and there,
mayhap, true madness at last.
As did this one, playing at death,
find true death at the last.
Killing a nameless lover, she
pierced a heart rent by sorrow.
Doth lie invite truth?
Doth verity but wear the
mask of falsehood?
Ah, thou pitiful, thou
miserable ones!
Still amidst lies, though the end
cometh not, wherefore yearn
for death?
Wilt thou attend to thy beloved?
Truth and lies, life and death:
a game of turning white to black
and black to white.
Is not a silence brimming with
love more precious than flattery?
A peaceful slumber preferred to
a throne besmirched with blood.
One vengeful man
spilled blood for two;
Two youths shed tears for three;
Three witches disappeared thusly;
And only the four keys remain.
Ah, but verily...
In here is a tragedy---
art thou player or audience?
There is nothing which cannot
become a puppet of fate or an
onlooker, peering into the cage.